ADDaddy

You could say it’s been a good day today. All the laundry got done, even some folding. A writing project was worked on (today is the deadline). The ADDer is even at an ADD support group meeting right now. Quite a full day for someone that has a hard time getting stuck on distractions. I COULD say this was a good day.  Except, the one thing that needed to get done today - send out a resume - did not get done. Hence the laundry success.

This ADDer spouse knows it isn’t a lie when the ADDer says “I’ll do it today”. It’s not a conscious effort to NOT do the thing that was promised. But it’s still hard not to take it personally. It’s easy to get caught up in the day’s activities, and when that task crosses the mind fleetingly, it’s never at a convenient moment.

On a less-than-successful day, This ADDer spouse tends to self-blame. More could’ve been done to help. A hint, a post-it note, a friendly reminder? There has to be a magic key. Only thing is, the working key is probably a different one every time.

Well, this ADDer’s spouse was laid off 2 weeks before Christmas. It’s the kind of news that’ll either shut down the brain and cause endless hours of online chess; OR in this case, I’m proud to say, caused endless hours of job hunting. When the chips were really down, my ADDer came through. Now we just cross our fingers and hope that a job offer comes quickly.

Job hunting is hard enough for anyone - but for an ADDer who has been a stay home dad for nearly 3 years, I can only imagine the angst.  I know ADD can accompany low self esteem, and despite the high level of intelligence, the tendency to self deprecate is unavoidable. It is painful to witness, and the instinct to try and take over, or give advice is overwhelming. Letting this ADDer know that help or advice is available is about as much as can be done without offending or appearing overbearing. This ADDer has agreed not to be offended by post-it note reminders. If a downhill slide into distraction starting taking hold, I’m allowed to post a note stating what should be done - i.e., “send out your resume to Vanderbilt”, or “please set the table for dinner”. It avoids confronting the defensive feelings associated with being reminded that this ADDer can’t prioritize.

And so, I bite my tongue. I wonder if this is productive, or enabling.